Sheep to the right, Goats to the left

The big news this week is, of course, Judgment Day.  In case you haven’t seen the billboards or read the news, this Saturday (or is it Sunday, this is all so confusing) is supposedly our Day of Reckoning.  Oh man, if those of us here in Whatcom County think the parking lots are crowded and the check out lines are long on weekends now, just think what this is going to do to us!

So just how is God going to deal with this?  The way I see it is you’re going to have the Believers who will come to be seen. Big event, definitely not to be missed but at the same time, very self-assured that they will definitely be among the Chosen.  Then comes the Non-Believers who have instantaneously (and amazingly) become Believers, lamenting and asking forgiveness for their former lack of belief.  And then finally, you will have those who just stay put — no desire to join the hoopla.  These are your folks who see it all as a Tea Party scam, nothing more, nothing less.

So just how is this going to go down?   Wild thunder and lightning explosion to get everyone’s attention perhaps?  But then what?  Loudspeakers?  E-mail? How are we going to know the rules?  There has to be rules, right?  Geez, I went to Catholic school for 8 years and even with all those pious nuns and priests around, there would have been total chaos without bells, rules and threats.

You know if all this comes down, I’m going to be real upset if I don’t get my own private moment of reckoning.  The way I see it, there are two possible versions: Santa or Hitler.  Stay with me now.  With Santa, even though I faithfully sent him my wishes every year (and I had been assured he would NEVER forget or mix up anyone’s wishes), I was glad he offered time to personally talk with me if I made a visit to SantaLand.  With Hitler, of course, he had no time for personal chats, he just ordered a quick sweeping divide — those worthy, those not.  Now before anyone gets their knickers tied in a knot, I am in no way equating God with either Santa or Hitler — I’m just looking at two entirely different selection methods.   And, I’m just saying that whereas I could understand God choosing the “group” method, I would prefer the “personal” method.

And if He does go with the “personal” method will He morph himself, like Santa does in order to deal with the masses?  Will He provide “reckoning stations” in all major cities?  Will it be first-come, first serve … or perhaps alphabetical?  Will those who attend church regularly or have a close relationship with their pastor, priest, rabbi, etc get special treatment?

Special Alert: Upon glancing at the Gospel of Mark, I realize now that God has already made the decision to go with the group method.  Looks like we have two choices: sheep or goats.  If we get the sheep label, we’re a shoe-in but, as much as  I love goats, this is NOT a good time to be a goat.  Don’t want to scare anyone, but it’s not a pretty picture.  

Since we’re talking about mass amounts of people, will He provide food (perhaps an upgrade to the old “loaves and the fishes” and more importantly, will espresso drinks be readily available) or will we need to plan accordingly and pack picnic lunches.

Weatherwise, we could have a problem.  I’m thinking again about Whatcom County — without even glancing at the weather report, I predict rain.  But then again, it’s not so uncommon to rotate through a myriad of weather conditions in one day — sun, rain, wind, hail, snow.  Looks like, we’ll be doomed to dress Northwestern (layers).  Perhaps a large backpack would be advisable, you know, to hold the food and the clothes as we “peel & wrap” and snack our way to the front of the line.  And what about those who are shut-ins, disabled or lack transportation — will He offer house-calls?

Totally overwhelming, don’t you think?   And just to add to the confusion, most religions don’t even agree on what this day will look like.  The way I see it is this — Que Sera, Sera (what will be, will be).  I totally trust God to handle this … or not.  In the meantime, I’m going back to my packing.  Unless God has other plans for me, I’m due to be flying off to Costa Rica next Wednesday and I want to be ready.  So, big guy, I’m leaving you in charge!

 (All in jest, folks, all in jest!  Apologies in advance to anyone who feels I have been irreverent.  My knowledge of the bible, or rather lack of, can be blamed on the fact that I grew up Catholic when such things were not allowed.  And before you feel sorry for me, I tend to believe that we’re all born with the knowledge of right and wrong, and basically that’s the bible’s bottom line.  Each of us chooses how we will live our life and, at the end of time, no one should be too surprised with the results — either you are a chosen sheep or a discarded goat.)  
Just remember:  Laughter is good for the soul.


About dbdaze

Currently spending much of my time contemplating the remainder of my life ... realizing the importance of dreams that are fulfilled, support of those closest to you, and the value in downsizing and living with less.
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2 Responses to Sheep to the right, Goats to the left

  1. maggie says:

    Hi Debbie
    great writing! Yes, it’s supposed to be Saturday. It’s also my birthday. And as Gary has been telling me this way I don’t have to worry about turning another year older. And I’ve been telling him that this doesn’t get him off the hook for dinner and a gift.

    • dbdaze says:

      Very funny, Gary! He should be ashamed of himself to think he could get off the hook so easily. LOL Have a happy birthday Maggie and be sure not to let ANYTHING overshadow YOUR day! However, an event like that would surely secure a vivid memory of this particular birthday. 🙂

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